Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Earliest memories
I think I've been reading too much of Anne of Green Gables series by L.M Montgomery. But in any case, those books are making me think and reminisce quite a bit.
I'm crying. Crying. Crying.
I hear voices shouting around me to stop wailing like a baby, but how can I help it?
I am still a baby.
The beige gate shuts and the clicking sound is heard.
Locked in.
I run to the locked door and grab the hinges, just crying out, "Don't leave me, don't leave me. I want to go with you. With you...Why?"
Why? Why? Why?
I don't get it.
A voice just shouts back firmly, "Stop crying! Stop it! I have to go now. Stop it!"
Then it fades away.
My sobs and hiccups just increase in its intensity.
Someone comes and pulls me away from the door.
I never want to leave that door,
until that fading voice comes back in joy.
But they are too strong, and I find my fingers slipping from the beige painted metal.
I never want to leave the voice.
But I know better.
Stop crying.
Yet wait, I can't.
Missing that voice, that tone, so much. So much.
Just a bit more longer for my tears to fall.
Just a bit more, please.
It stops. Stops. Stops.
My heart is longing for that warmth.
Tears have dried upon my face.
Still, all I feel is cold. Cold. Cold.
Sitting at the edge of the stairs, playing a game by myself. Alone. Alone.
Maybe that voice will come back.
Maybe not.
I will cherish and love it, either way it goes.
I love you.
~11:20 pm